Tivat is a modern and clean city with lots of fountains, wonderful beaches and entertainments for the whole family. Unlike popular Budva, this location never suffers from the crowds of tourists. This resort is not promoted very much, so people who appreciate silence, romance and nature usually arrive here. There are no storms here and the city’s embankment is a real fairy tale for those who enjoy slow walks along the sea coast. Moreover, the accommodation prices in Tivat are much lower than in the other cities of Montenegro.
Cetinje cannot boast with a developed tourism infrastructure like sea resorts Budva or Kotor. As a matter of fact, it’s not a resort at all but an important a political and religious center of Montenegro. The city has a long and difficult history.
In the 15th century, during the war with the Turks, the country’s leader faced the necessity to move the capital to the remote place. Cetinje was selected for this purpose since it was hidden in a secret valley surrounded by high mountains. Nowadays it’s not very comfortable to live in a city because it’s difficult to supply food, clothing, souvenirs, etc. The town is really very small with one-story building prevailing there. There is no bus station in Cetinje but this fact does not bother the majority of travelers at all.
Herceg Novi is a well-known resort on the Montenegro Adriatic coast not far from the boundary with Bosnia and Croatia. The city is situated in the picturesque Bay of Kotor at the foot of Mount Orjen.
Herceg Novi was founded in 1382 by the Bosnian lord Tvrtko I and soon became an important center of the salt trade. The modern name of the resort stems from the title of Duke Stjepan Vukshich during whose reign the settlement became a full-fledged city. In 1466 the Republic of Venice offered to exchange Herceg Novi on the island of Brac and the palace in Split but the Duke refused.
Herceg Novi is famous not only of its marvelous beaches but also the opportunities for recreation. The resort town of Igalo is situated not far from Herceg Novi. Igalo is known all over the world due to its curative mud and mineral waters. There is even an Institute of Physiotherapy and Rehabilitation in this small town.
Herceg Novi is sometimes called a “botanical garden of Montenegro” because a huge amount of rare trees and shrubs grows in its parks.
1. Extreme Sports
Defeat is not the end of your way, if you managed to cope with it.
American psychologists introduced an amazing method of dealing with a severe depression. Instead of a prolonged treatment in a clinic, they advised their particularly depressed patients to do things they were afraid even of thinking about. For example, to jump with a parachute. Severe stress and euphoria that comes afterwards turned out to be a more effective psychiatric treatment with a more durable effect. Certainly, the domestic official medicine doesn’t accept an idea of risking the patient’s life or making him do any dangerous things. The doctors are more likely to be prescribe some medicines. But the American way of dealing with depression has a certain sense. The humanity of our days has got used to a sedentary lifestyle and even a distance of 20 m is covered by car in many cases. Such shake is really able to awaken the dormant vitality and seems to be a radical method that helps cope with the prolonged depression.
Though many Western democracies consider themselves very progressive when it comes to a gay culture, the whole situation around homophobia is not so optimistic. Each society is more or less homophobic. Some may consider the problem has practically disappeared with the advent of civil marriage but it’s not true. To make the things clearer, imagine yourself a teenager who has recently realized he is gay.
From the earliest childhood he learns messages about a right way of behavior, compulsory life tasks everyone has to accomplish. Later he is expected to marry a right girl and to have kids and live a life of a respectable citizen. He learns that being gay is something terrible, he hears it now and then from his parents, at school or from religious organizations that are even more radical in this regard.
Stretch marks during pregnancy appear as a result the skin overstretches to cope with a weight gain during this period. Apart from that, changes in the level of some hormones in the organism, in particular relaxin and estrogen contribute greatly to the formation of the stretch marks.
The doctors still argue about the precise causes and in the meantime many people make a shocking discovery – they have stretch marks. The shame a person experiences is perhaps the first emotion in this situation. “It didn’t always look like this”, the woman thinks and starts to look for the answer why this happened.
Abdominal stretch marks are a common problem for women who completed their pregnancy. About ninety percent of all women have post-pregnancy stretches. Though the problem is so widely spread, each woman is convinced she is the only one who has these signs. But pregnant women aren’t the only privileged category. Women who have never been pregnant may have abdominal stretches as well as men.
A theme of body shame is usually paid little attention by media but is very familiar to the psychologists. However, nowadays the topic is actual since the fashion industry as well as Internet form a specific understanding of a perfect body and pretty much people want to meet the standards at any price. In this article we’ll try to shed some light on the problem and provide answers to some most urgent issues connected with the body shame.
Why Do People Experience Body Shame?
First and foremost, we’d like to explain the difference between the feelings of guilt and shame with regard to body image. A person experiences guilt when he realizes his behavior was bad and needs to be changed. Shame concerns a whole person and makes him feel he doesn’t comply with certain requirements of the environment. Apart from this, body shame is considered to be a more complicated problem compared to a negative body image.
The origins of shame are usually of an external character. For example, body shame may be caused by sexual or physical trauma in the childhood. In the other case the shame may be provoked by a serious disease that changes the way the body looks or performs its functions. Communication with the social environment may also be a source of body shame. Messages from the Internet, TV series and magazines may distort a notion of a healthy body making people who compare their bodies with those on the pictures increasingly ashamed of the own body. Finally, a person’s genetics that determines the shapes of the body is another factor that causes body shame.
Are There Any Negative Consequences of Experiencing Body Shame?
When a person is ashamed of his body, it always results in a set of negative consequences. The main problem is that such person is extremely unwilling to meet other people and avoids communication with them. An individual constantly hides, mostly at home, since he doesn’t want other people to see him. In such a way he deprives himself of feeling a constant emotion of shame. Staying alone, the person may start drinking too much alcohol or eating enlarged portions of food that leads to weight gain. The forced isolation negatively influences the person’s ability to solve life challenges, determine long-term goals and taking important decisions to achieve these goals.
Is It Possible to Overcome Body Shame?
Modern therapy offers a lot of treatment opportunities for patients who are ashamed of their body. The main task here is to reconnect the patient to his body again. The most effective treatment modalities are yoga, movement therapy, nurturing the body and keeping a diary. Apart from that, a patient learns how to identify and appreciate emotions that are related to his body. The patient also learns to regard his feelings from a neutral position and not divide them on the categories like good or bad.
Yoga occupies a separate place in a system of treatment modalities. Yoga practices, especially breathing exercises are very valuable since they help listen to the needs of the body and satisfy them.
In some cases dancing may be even more effective than yoga. Dance makes a patient feel his own body as well as the body of his partner and bring the movements in line with the demands specific for each particular dance.
For many women weight regain may be even more terrible than a weight gain. It’s all about struggle. A constant struggle. When you worked hard for a whole month to lose three excessive pounds and after two weeks without exercise you see them return not alone but with extra two pounds, it makes you feel like a cursed one doomed to exercise day and night to keep the result. Feeling like that is the first message you have to stop worrying and concentrate on yourself. Women of all ages face shame of weight regain and the problem is very disturbing.
What’s Wrong With Shame?
At a first glance, shame is a fine incentive to lose extra pounds. The logic here is simple. If one wants to look more slim and attractive and experience no shame with regard to the body weight, it’s critically important to change the way of live to achieve the goal. For instance, one has abandon fast food, start consuming healthy products and do more training. After that the changes are expected to come and the feeling of shame meaning constant stress is supposed to disappear.
Actually, it doesn’t work that way at all. Shame restricts you from moving ahead and doing specific steps to cope with the problem. Even worse, there is a direct correlation between the amount of shame you experience and the amount of efforts you apply to solve the problem. A shameful person falls into a deep despair that he cannot change anything and feels an increased helplessness that certainly deteriorates the whole situation and creates a vicious circle that may last for years. As a result, a person’s will to change something diminishes, while the weight increases.
The main reasons that lead to such situation are a panic fear of failure, prolonged depression, rapid acceptance of the new body weight, frustration prompting procrastination and a low self-esteem.
What Should You Do?
The first step for a woman to trigger the process of changes is to admit she experiences shame. Frequently it is very uneasy to make this step but nevertheless it is necessary. Say to yourself “I have no shame!” and start working. A firm decision of putting an end to the previous existence opens a way to the future success in weight loss.
You shouldn’t think you are alone on this way. If you feel the need for additional support, you may ask for a professional advice from psychologists. Similarly, if you feel some problems from your past don’t allow you move forward, get some counseling rather than try to cope with them independently.
There is no good in a decision to lost 25 pounds in a month. You need a detailed action plan. The one with clearly defined steps you must perform day by day. And don’t establish a very short time to achieve the goal. The period has to be reasonable and realistic, otherwise you’ll fail and find yourself even in worse condition than before.
Learn how to be pleased even with small and modest victories. Don’t expect a quick miracle since the process of losing weight is rather slow. Congratulate yourself with each lost pound and don’t stop working.
Get ready your shame may return as well as pounds. Don’t let this feeling bury your aspiration to succeed. Anyway, if it did happen, you have a strategy how to start all over again.
Even the strongest emotions tend to fade over time. This is especially true in case of love. If you expect your love feelings to remain on the same passionate level forever, you are wrong. One day you may find yourself tired from your partner or you may want to stay alone for a week or so. It doesn’t mean you stopped loving your partner. You simply feel your emotions aren’t as bright and vivid as they were at the beginning of your relationship. If you decided to fall in love with your partner once again, here are 8 easy tricks you can always try to make love butterflies return to your stomach.
1. Do Risky Affairs
The scientists have proved long ago that chemical substances that appear in your organism when you experience danger are much like those released during sex activity. Supporting each other, for example, during sky diving refresh your tender feelings.
2. Have a Good Sex as Often as Possible
When partners experience any difficulties in their mutual life, they automatically have less sex. More energy is spent on solving the problems. It’s a frightful blunder since sex is a perfect way to stay emotionally and physically closer to each other, thus improving the relations. We can say that a good sex facilitates the partners a task to achieve emotional harmony.
3. Touch Your Partner
You can do it in a variety of ways. Cuddling, holding hands while walking, kissing when you go somewhere or fell asleep – all this is applicable. You may invent your own specific kinds of touching that will have a certain meaning only for you and your sweetheart. Psychologists claim that touching is the activity that helps people survive in the environment and perhaps they’re right.
4. Arrange a Long Journey
Plan a long journey together. If you can travel by car, it’s a wonderful option. Travelling with your partner for a long time, you have a chance to open up and fairly discuss your relationships. You are far from your daily routine and no one interrupts you all the time. That means you spend more time together and can concentrate on renewing the lost closeness.
5. Smile, Smile and Smile
Smile is a universal instrument that shows your positive attitude and love in particular. A lot of people look so beautiful when smiling! Perhaps, you are one of them? Don’t wait for an occasion to smile at your partner. Do it whenever you want and without any reason.
6. Develop Your Friendship
It’s fantastic to marry your best friend. If your love grew from friendship, you are a very lucky person. Let your friendship grow further and evolve. Your romantic feelings will be largely strengthened by such activities as dancing, sharing memories, trying new experiences, strolling together and just having fun.
7. Listen to the Experts
Modern psychological therapy for couples is an incredibly effective instrument you can always make use of. An experienced therapist can demonstrate the best ways of communicating with each other, show how to express your desires and needs, teach you an art of finding compromises and recommend you a lot of other useful things.
8. Don’t Ignore Your Childhood
Each of us has its own skeleton in the cupboard. It’s not a rare phenomenon when almost forgotten traumas in a childhood prevent adult people from building and maintaining strong links with their sweethearts. If you feel like something bothers you all the time, it will be better to visit a behavioral therapist and clear the situation.
“You can never do anything in a right way! When will you finally grow up? Don’t even try it, you’ll surely fail!” Perhaps, each of us has heard the messages like these when we were children. And pretty much of us still hear them literally every day. Such contempt does nothing good to children and prevents them from becoming successful people in the future. Constantly hearing these phrases, the children start thinking their emotions and inner feeling are not interesting even to their closest surrounding and have no other choice than to hide emotions deeply inside. Moreover, such attitude usually causes shame, sometimes a very profound sense of it.
Shame has long been ignored by psychologists for a long time. But the first scientific researches that appeared in this area revealed a destructive impact of shame on the person’s self-esteem and intimacy.
American scientist Thomas Scheff from the University of California defines shame as the “master emotion, regulating the expression of other feelings.” He is convinced that shame considerably limits the person’s ability to express all emotions except anger. Human shame is so unique because it is unbelievably difficult for an individual to admit it.
The term “master emotion” refers to the fact that shame restricts the person’s ability to experience and express all other feeling. It’s like a fence that prevents us from living a full life. In a situation when one feels scary, his emotional shame orders him not to show it because other people may think he is weak or cannot cope with the situation. Similarly, when one feels sad, his shame tells him to conceal this feeling and not seem emotionally unstable.
Shame affects our body not only on the emotional level but on the physiological one as well. Jean-Paul Sartre, a French philosopher and writer, described it as “an immediate shudder which runs through me from head to foot without any discursive preparation.” Shame ending in depression and reducing self-esteem is a common phenomenon among people.
Men Shame Suppresses Intimacy
It is the shame that makes us isolate ourselves from unpleasant emotions. Being afraid of criticism, we start building a false self, the one which will be attractive for other people. We try to create a wealthy, clever and cheerful self and playing this role we often forget who we really are. Over time, we move away from our true nature and may lost it completely being absorbed by the artificial self we once constructed to conquer other people’s recognition and affection.
When it comes to love, it should be noted that true intimate relationships may survive only in the atmosphere of authenticity. Loving each other, two people reveal their true emotions and aspirations. The sweethearts have to acknowledge and accept their strengths and weaknesses, otherwise the love will quickly die and both of them may suddenly discover they have nothing in common.
Healing shame is not an easy task at all. If you understand that shame occupies too much place in your life, it’s high time to act. Start from the attempts to identify the way you feel shame inside. Physiological symptoms shame is manifested by may be different, so try to determine what is specific for you. Perhaps, you experience a tight breath, a tension in your chest, a pain in your stomach or anything like that. Frequently your body may remain numb while an inner voice of your soul demands you to retreat and not look foolish.
Once you know how to recognize your shame’s face, try not to be ashamed of it. Regard the shame as an integral art of the human nature. After all, shame is positive in a certain sense. For example, this emotion may warn us in case we intervene into someone’s private territory or violate our own principles or do something that is considered immoral.
Distancing from the shame may be the next step in your treatment program. When we are aware of something and expect it coming, we are no longer afraid of it or at least we can control our fear. You shouldn’t identify yourself with the shame. It’s only one of your emotions, don’t exaggerate its importance and you’ll be able reduce shame in such a way.